Snow, Food, and Fezzes. A Viking's Dream.

     Behold, I have lived through a long, epic, crazy trek across the U.S.A. I traveled from the far West to the cold East, through average days and Christmas. Now I have arrived in the new home of STONEHELM THE WISE!!! The schools will now suffer the wrath of my amazing belches. I traveled by van, or should I say tank?! For Christmas I received many a great things, some of which are...
1. A bow tie  2. A fez  3. A knife.    These are some of the things I got that demonstrate my epic personality.
     As a scout I go camping a lot, and this time I went winter camping. As a Viking from the cold areas of the North I was ready for snow up to your waist and bitter cold winds. And as a Wise Viking I packed appropriately. I arrived and it was an open plain, no wind and 50 degree weather. Wow. Well, that night it snowed for half of the night, then rained the rest. The next morning there on the ground was a rabid BADGER... Just kidding there was a layer of snowy ice all around. Then I tried to make pancakes (one of which was a triangular prism.)
     That leads me to another subject, food. All Vikings love food, however we can't make the simplest foods. I can't cook pancakes, and especially cake. Don't believe me? Look at the remnants of "The Cake" (cue dramatic music)  

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!

 Shriek! That is scary even for me! Well, I would prefer if you did not sue me for the heart attack I might of caused because of this photo. That was one cake not even Tiki would eat.

   I am proud to say that there are 722 views on my blog.  Tiki is proud, too. He is on the hunt for full refigerators so be on the look out because he might just be lurking in your kitchen right now...

   Anyways, the Super Bowl is coming up and everyone is excited to sit and watch football while snacking, except for me and my Viking clan. I don't because they changed it from the original Viking way. We still play it as our ancestors played it, with heavy armour and battle axes. The ball of course was the same basic shape just made with plutonium. If you held it too long you would morph into a monster of unspeakable hairy-ness. Let's not even go there.

   I need to hunt for meat so until our next meeting bye from the Viking in the fez and bow tie.

The Christmas Viking

     I am back from the long adventure I had. My ship got lost and I was stuck on a lost island, where I found a lost tribe of crazy natives, and a very, VERY lost Lady Gaga. To get off the island I shaved her head and used it as a very shiny mirror to flag down planes. I shaved it with my battle ax. Soon a plane came by and picked us up.
    Anyway Thanksgiving was fun, I stuffed my EPIC Viking self. I ate turkey, taters, cranberry sauce, sweet taters, Pi, oh, and pie. FOOOOOOOOOOD!!!!
     Well it is almost Christmas round these here parts and it is another Holiday for STUFFING YOUR FACE!!! I love it, not only for the food but for the giving of presents. I love to see the kids face when they open the box only to find a couple of rabid badgers. I also give to you a new video! I play cello but this guy does not only play it, but has light saber battles with it.

Cello wars

all the same guy and...

Moonlight

     Those videos are amazing, he is now my new role model. Well hope you like those. Anyway I am now the Viking Santa, I give presents to the little viking kids. I give them training axes and shields. For the bad kids... I give them a box of rabid badgers. It all started when Santa needed extra help so he tried to hire ninjas. They started to chop up all the barbie dolls. Then he tried to use Vulcans, but they thought making toys was "illogical". Then he hired Vikings. We were a lot like Santa, chubby, beards, and love to eat. He was happy with us and we had a eggnog chugging contest.
     Well, I am going to a far  away place where it is cold. I am going there forever, till I move again. I am also jamming out to Crazy Frog.
Rock, Paper, Spock?
That is how you solve all debates. Well I need to go do Viking things thanks for reading. No, Tiki... Nooooo, BAD WAR-CAT
                                                AAAAAAAAAAAA
                                                                         AAAAAAAAAAA
                                                                                                 AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!

Post-Halloween (for lack of a better name)

Well I have look at my stats and I saw I had 8 views today and I had over 100 in the past month!!!  So thanks for reading my blog everyone. Please follow me in all my adventures (posts).
So on Halloween, I had a great time. I was a 70s disco dude. I did not go trick or treating (I would of raided someone’s candy!) So I stayed outside and played cello. I also scared the little helmets off of some Viking kids with the fog machine! It was all-around fun. I want to know what you were. Please tell me in comments! ---} There they are!

So I found a video that has the complete cast and crew of Doctor Who dancing and I think the world should see this.

Doctor who cast and crew.

That is amazing! I also love the Irish/Scottish singers! I got the song! It is that good! So if David Tennant reads this I would like to say YOU ARE EPIC!!! So Tiki has been REALLY scary because it was Halloween but now he is saying "gobble" a lot. That means it is almost THANKSGIVING! A whole holiday just for stuffing your face with raided fridge food!!! I love it. Then after that- Christmas! Tis' a great season. Vikings love the cold. So this time of year you will see Vikings out caroling and stuffing their faces. So once again thanks to ALL of my readers. And by the way, watch for Tiki the Stupid. If you tell him you know Stonehelm the Wise, he might spare your refrigerator.

Stonehelm the Busy

I, Stonehelm the Wise, Great, Epic, and Humble am not dead but have returned from an EPIC trip. I have fought many wars and lived many battles!  I also got stranded at Kokomo for a bit but that is not as intense as wars. Anyway I have not been on the blog for a while so I have a lot to say as you can imagine. School/survival camp has been … exciting.  As a WISE Viking I was put in Honors Reading and Math. Those are fun let me tell you.

Well, it is October, the time for ghouls and goblins, and Vikings. Not to mention doctors. I, Stonehelm have planned ahead and have decided what to be for Halloween. I am going to be The Doctor from the TV show Doctor Who.  I really like that show. The monsters are so creative- like the Ood, Weeping Angels, and the infamous Dalek.  I am also obsessed with the name Steve. Just kidding.

I once again found some EPIC music. It has orchestral-like sounds playing with techno beats in the back. How is that possible?  See for yourself. They’re dark, sad and inspiring. Here some are in that order.

Dark  

Sad

Inspiring

This is awesome stuff!

You know someday I hope to be an actor. That would be so much fun.  Or you know what else would be cool? Someone famous reading my blog, like Weird Al!

Ok, I know you all are DYING to know about Tiki the Stupid. He has been stupid as ever. No, not really; he has calmed down a ton, but is still Tiki. He HATES the Halloween decorations. We have these lights in our house and someday he will bite one and electrocute himself.  He has also eaten a rubber spider.  Stupid.

Well, time is running out so I bid you farewell from me and Tiki!

Return of Stonehelm!

I have returned from my epic viking quests!!! Life for a totally awesome viking like me is hectic. So I have come to speak my words to thy little selves. School has started and it be NO fun. Most schools teach math and reading but mine is a survival test. A test of endurance to MORONS! I am like the smartest one there, and I am a viking.(Well of course I am smart, I am Stonehelm the WISE right?) For the first week we learned the "7 Habits to Highly Effective People" It makes me sick... We should learn the 7 habits to highly BLOODTHIRSTY people. Or 7 habits to highly EPIC people! BOO YEAH! So the other day I found the Gorillaz. And they have pretty good songs. The music videos are weird though! I also found the one hit wonder Eiffel 65. They did the all famous Blue Da Ba De Daba Die. They are so underrateed! They have really good songs!
    Move your Body!

If you could see me now I would be moving my viking body! So is Tiki. Well I need to hunt some dragons and halflings so... See Ya!

Camping and DJs?

     Did you have nightmares? OK, good. Well on Friday and Saturday I was on a boy scout camp out so I was not able to gloat, I mean write about my awesome adventures. Now I have more to share! The camp was in the mountains and it rains A LOT there so that made it hard to start a fire. I, being a Southern Viking, am not use for making fires when it is warm. We don't even make fires in the south! We man out the cold! Then we had to make our food over the fire when I am use to making it with my EPIC flame throwing eyes! Food was good nevertheless. Well when it got dark we played a game called "come to court" which is basically hide-and-seek but if you got caught you have to follow the seeker. If you don't feel like following him you can sneak away. So we played that then we played the greatest game in the world capture the flag! Then, then, then... bedtime. We all went to sleep. When we got up we ate and then shot a cannon. Yes, our boy scout troop leader owns a cannon. It looks like a mortar though, because it is hand made. We blew up some stumps and trees! That was sweet!
     So also lately I have been finding videos about DJs in concert. Why? Because I went to a DJ Tiesto concert. So here is one of my favorites. If you don't like techno then you don' have to watch this but you will find it hard to believe I was right there!
     DJ Tiesto
     I was 10 feet away from the world's most popular DJ!!! If you don't like that then here is the dark side of my music likings
Gregorian Chant We are the champions
     That is EPIC too you know. I also found some cool Deadmau5 videos but you can find those yourself. Speaking of videos my commenter and Northern Viking,  Connor Macleod and I, also play a game online with each other. In this game called Darkspore we can make our characters dance.  I made a video of them dancing to a song called Dragostea Din Tei. Next post I will have that video there.
     Well I must go blow something up before I blow up the computer. Tiki says "Meow" ( I am coming, there is no escape, and stay away from dark alleys!) I say " I am coming for that roast turkey in your oven!" In other words Bye!
 

Viking life

The life of a viking is not as easy as it sounds. Conner Macleod brought up some questions. Like about a boat. Well Conner,  I should tell you getting a war boat is kind of hard. First you have to talk to the tribe leader. He has such big puffy hair all around his face that he has trouble hearing. It is also hard to look at him because he is so ugly. He has warts and a big ugly nose and and beady eyes that glare into you like hot worms! He is also 8' 5"! Of course I am 7' 5" but... Well anyway if he accepts your request for a warship you need money. And you can' t just pillage a village because you don't have a boat! Then if you get the boat you need more money for a crew! I don't need a crew because I am that EPIC. (As you can see I like EPIC.) My boat's name is the Frigged-Orater!
     Conner Macleod also brought up pillaging villages. Well all vikings start out small. I started by raiding chipmunks and squirrels nests. I mostly got acorns and walnuts. The walnuts were pretty good except for the chipmunk and squirrel slobber! Now I am on step two. Raiding refrigerators!!! I raid them world wide now! I start by running into the kitchen screaming my blood-curdling war cry. FFFFFFOOOOOOOO(burp)OOODDDDDDDDD!!!!!! Of course everyone starts screaming
"AAAAAA! It is the Viking Stonehelm the Hungry!" Then I yell " No you oxter faces! It is Stonehelm the Wise, great, strong, awesome, and humble!" Of course nobody listens. So I charge in swinging my Thor hammer! Ha Ha Haaaaa! I open the fridge with heavily demonic force! Then I raid the turkey of its drum sticks, rip into the steak, and take all the root beer and ginger ale possible!
     Next step is villages. Then I will get serious drinks! Tiki also loves to raid meat. He is at your doorstep now... watching you... waiting to pounce ANYONE who walks through the door. Nobody will survive the wraith of TIKI! (thunder rumble) There is no escape.

Now I have to go raid a refrigerater. Watch for me and my war-cat, if you see me coming run away. I may take your food. Don't have any nightmares about Tiki, ok? Ok good I don't want to be sued. Bye!